Daniel Polverari
Most people think of an engineer as someone who cares solely about the maths and sciences; however, as an aspiring engineer I am interested in other classes too. Not only am I interested in the Liberal Arts but I am also very fond of baseball.
I can say with great accomplishment, that I was named the “Coolest Kid in School” by my second period Speech class. I was given this honor because I gave the most astonishing speech about why I am the “Coolest Kid.” I guess the class agreed with me when I told them that their coolness value could not compare to mine. This demonstrates how I may differ from a normal engineer, although I love math and I am very good at it, I also like other classes like Speech and Debate. My goal is to achieve an outstanding education in the field of Civil Engineering, at CSU. I currently have already been accepted and have confirmed with them that I will be going there.
I’ve had many influential people in my life but the two that have always been there, that have always helped me, has been my mom and dad. Since Civil Engineering is my passion I relate my parents to being my strong foundation and support to my whole life or in this instance my building. My mom has been there for me throughout my life giving me helpful advice and stressing the importance of college. My dad has been the person who first got me interested in engineering, as an engineer himself I always saw what he was doing, and it interested me, and it’s for this reason that I started to research engineering as my future. Each of them has contributed to me, each in a way has taught me how to be a good student and how to excel in life, and it is for this reason that I consider them my foundation for life.
School has been one of my biggest concerns and a strong point in my life. High school in my mind is very important if you wish to succeed in life, high school is the support beams of my building, without which you cannot hope to build new stories or grow. My whole high school education I haven’t focused on one single area, I have been open minded about other subjects that I have been interested in. While in school I have achieved a lot, I have held a 3.7 GPA throughout high school, as well I have been on the baseball team for four years, these and many other activities out of school like volunteering and youth group, has helped me become a member of National Honor Society, where I am the only male member, these achievements also gave me a chance to participate in Boy’s State. School is an important part to succeeding in life and is an essential to me, as the support beams of my building.
My future as a person and as a student is still a little shady, but what I do know so far is that I will be attending CSU for Civil Engineering. I have already filled out all the paper work and I have already been accepted to live in the academic village, where only a select few of students may stay. After college I hope that I can start laying blueprints out and building for major companies. This can only happen with the right education, and for this I need some help financially with college and it is for this reason that I ask for this scholarship. Through life I hope to leave a lasting impression on the world, by means of my buildings.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
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I can't believe that you got a 65% on that last paper. This one can't even compare to that. You really improved. Parts are a little dry, but it is much better. I made some major reivsion on the organization of the paper, so I revised this paper too and put it in the Classroom 2 folder, expository writing, student essays, #2 folder. I think you will like the way the essay is organized. I hope the comments help. As far as the rubric goes here's what I thought you did at the 6 level: Writing is strongly focused
ReplyDeleteconsistently targets an audience through word choices and supporting details
Successfully presents information
Provides
support for ideas
Grade overall:80/100 up from 65!!